Way to take Massive Imperfect Action, @cindy-johnson!! Your post is a great start!! I would take out the word SOON in your headline – it’s nebulous and doesn’t help your cause.

Then, watch my videos on Benefits Marketing. – there are 2 of them in the Transformational Busienss Straregy module, which is at the bottom of the modules – all of the videos are in alphabetical order. They will help me you reframe all your sentences so they are talking about your clients, not you.

Looking forward to the next draft!

Hi @cindy-johnson! Yes!! Love the energy and willingness to learn along the way!

Okay, first off, great job taking that massive imperfect action!!

Below is your feedback:

You need a better profile photo. One that is professional with much better lighting. Once you have a better photo, please email it to our graphic designer and ask her to add a white background to it to really make it pop.

Email –> Lindsey@coredm.com

Also, you NEED a background photo. You can email Lindsey and tell her about your business and she can create one for you!!

Headline:

I like the direction you’re going with this!! So personally, I don’t feel people are searching for houses solely based on “gated swim community”. How about something like this:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients [LOCATION]☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

Nice start!! Here’s what I want you to do:

Watch Halle’s BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bulls-eye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Don’t forget, this is a sales letter for HOW you can SERVE your ideal client, what you do and who you work with, okay?

Check out these profiles from realtors in the program and let this inspire you 🙂

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

Please tag me in your revision!

Hi @cindy-johnson! Nice job taking action revising!

Yes, I want you to look straight on at the camera, the current photo you have is of the side of your profile. For sure update your photo!

You also need a background photo. Did you email Lindsey and ask her to create one for you??

Your headline looks SO much better! Great work!!

Summary:

I love that you started off your summary with pain point questions! I want to reformat it to lead it better. How about this (please fill in the blanks):

***

Are you wanting ________ but don’t know where to start??

Do you NEED _________? (keep it short, sweet and powerful)

Ready to have __________? (keep it short, sweet and powerful)

If you answered YES to those questions… I know exactly how to help you!

Essentially…

If you appreciate WORLD CLASS SERVICE and working with someone focused on YOU and YOUR goals, I’m your girl!

Yes. You read that right!

When you work with me…

You get _____________.

(add in the part about within your budget, etc)

(also, get ideas from the examples I sent for your call to action)

If you’re ready for __________ then call me today at ________ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!!

Tag me in your revision!!