Hi @david-bieschke!! Nice start on your profile! Below is my feedback:

Love your cover photo – very professional!

I want you to upload a better profile photo that isn’t grainy and is clear. Center your photo so the majority is of your face and less of the space to the right. I’d like you to have a white background in your profile photo to really make it POP!

Email your profile photo (a better quality one) to our graphic designer and she will add a white background for you!

Headline:

Good direction with your headline! I love that you’re focusing on sellers!
Let’s clean it up a bit. How about this:

Need to SELL Your Commercial Property (Like YESTERDAY)?☆EXPERT Broker Helping YOU Free Up Capital AND Your Mind☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

Please make sure you watch Halle’s BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Also, consider revamping your profile in the format Kent has! This will make your profile really powerful (feel free to copy his format) —>

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Tag me in your revision, please 🙂

s Hi @david-bieschke! Nice job revising!

Oops, sorry about not providing the email! Here it is:

Lindsey@coredm.com

Summary:

The reason I wanted you to copy the example format entirely is that of the way he formatted and carried you through the conversation.

For instance, you could start your intro like:

Want I Do In A Few Words:

I help clients like YOU get __________.

Essentially…

[2-3 sentences about how your help your clients like Kent has]

YES. You read that right!

When you work with me, ______________.

WHO I WORK WITH:

My clients are ________________.

etc etc.

Go back and look at Kent’s profile. Look how he spaces his sentences and leads you through the conversation.

Great call to action!

Tag me in your revision 🙂

Hi @david-bieschke!! WOOHOO, yes. What a transformation 🙂

Totally knocked it out of the park!! I want to move to your area so you can be my Realtor!!!