Hi @dean-rhinehart! Nice work taking action on your profile! Few things I’d like you to implement/revise:

I’d like you to email your profile photo to our graphic designer at Lindsey@coredm.com – ask her to add a white background to your photo so it looks a lot more professional.

Headline (words under your name):
This needs some work as you could really utilize this spot for leads. Please fill this out and add it:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

I don’t like the all capitalized sentence in the beginning of your profile. Remember, you want to lead your reader through your sales letter.

Please copy the format of these profiles if you need to but refer to them for inspiration:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

You don’t really have enough information and I’d like you to refer to those examples of what we want your profile to look like!

Outline of summary you can follow and fill in:

Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important. How about you list 3 questions your clients struggle with. What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?”

THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
2 sentences how are you different than your competitors

Who you like to work with

Then add a call to action with your contact info:

If you’re wanting _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______to see if we’re a good fit!

Hi @dean-rhinehart! Great job taking action and working on those revisions!

Your profile picture looks MUCH better with the white background! And great job with the 3 pain points.

I like your 1st paragraph because you are talking about how you can benefit THEM. However, starting with the 2nd paragraph, I want you to take another pass at it and take out “I” and “my” as much as possible to make it more about them. Write paragraphs 2,3,and 4 like you did in paragraph 1.

In your call to action, “Get started immediately”makes it sound too much like you NEED their business. You want to position yourself as the benevolent alpha, by saying:

“Call/text me via cell at 321-960-6076 or email drhinehart17@gmail.com and let’s see if we’re the right fit to work together”

Stating it this way tells them that you are busy and successful so you do not work with just anyone.

*** PLEASE make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bulls eye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order. These videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Tag me in your revision!

cc: @halle-eavelyn  @negeen-dargahi

Hi @dean-rhinehart!

Did you ever email Lindsey about creating a background for you??

GREAT pain point questions!!

Can you FORMAT your profile like this example?? By that I mean, look at the spaces between points and the paragraph breaks. Your paragraphs are VERY chunky and people wont want to read all of that UNLESS you break them up.

example —> https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

Good call to action!

You’re almost there!! Just reformat, copy the example, and you’re good to go!!

Hi @dean-rhinehart! Great job taking action and working on those revisions!

Your profile picture looks MUCH better with the white background! And great job with the 3 pain points. Now we just need that background photo like Negeen said.

I wanted to add in a few revisions that I want you to make along with what Negeen said.

I like your 1st paragraph because you are talking about how you can benefit THEM. However, starting with the 2nd paragraph, I want you to take another pass at it and take out “I” and “my” as much as possible to make it more about them. Write paragraphs 2,3,and 4 like you did in paragraph 1.

In your call to action, “Get started immediately”makes it sound too much like you NEED their business. You want to position yourself as the benevolent alpha, by saying:

“Call/text me via cell at 321-960-6076 or email drhinehart17@gmail.com and let’s see if we’re the right fit to work together”

Stating it this way tells them that you are busy and successful so you do not work with just anyone.

*** PLEASE make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bulls eye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order. These videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Keep up the GREAT work!

Hey @dean-rhinehart,

Wow, that looks much better! Great job on those revisions. Your profile flows much better now, and its clear that you are there for your clients!

cc. @negeen-dargahi