6 years, 4 months ago-
Posts
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Hi @eric-calciano! A really nice job on your infomercial; informative and right to the point!
- your first sentences could be even more powerful if turned into a question:
“Are you like most business owners… Feeling the stress of being able to offer a competitive employee benefits package while keeping costs reasonable?”
^ or just
“Are you feeling the stress of being able to offer a competitive employee benefits package while keeping costs reasonable?”
I feel you should introduce yourself somewhere in the beginning after your first or second point and THEN provide a bit more information (THIS IS OPTIONAL because what you have is great – I just want to keep their attention 100% of the way).
Everything else looks fantastic! Play around with it, what you currently have is good to go! I would personally change the first point into a question so my attention is immediately grabbed.
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Hi @negeen-dargahi,
Thanks for the feedback!
I’ll implement the changes you suggested and start recording.
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