Moved: Reply To: My hero story is ready for feedback :-)

[Lupe Lloyd]

Hi Negeen,

PLease see my attached Hero Story.

Lupe

Attachments:

You must be logged in to access attached files.

[n d]

Thank you, @lupe-lloyd. Tagging in @halle-eavelyn to provide you feedback!

 

 

[n d]

@lupe-lloyd, great talking with you this evening! Just confirming that I saw your post and will make sure you get feedback. Have a great night 🙂

 

[Halle Eavelyn]

@lupe-lloyd, This is NOT your title:

LUPE LLOYD’S HERO STORY

You need an actual title.  Subtitle is FINE as-is.

THIS is AWESOME!!!!:

My journey of building up schools to Academic Excellence!

But I HAVE to warn you, it is heart wrenching.

So strap in, plug in your bilingual brain and get ready for some mind and biliteracy nuggets from someone who has been there, done that, AND reached the American dream.

Heads up that the title to this section should be: Let Me Take You On a Journey…

Then the next line has a lot more impact!!

OMG, Lupe, your sense of humor!!! Your school stories – the one with the “College Material” – LMAO!!!!

OOOOOh, SOOOOOO proud of you for this!!!:

I graduated Cum Laude instead of Chilli con Carne in three years with a double major in English and Spanish.  My oldest brother and I were the first in the history of our family to graduate from college.

And the Chili con Carne, ROFL again!!!

Major typo here:

I have to ask you…”HOW CAN ANYONE ASPIRE FOR WHAT THEY NO NOTHING ABOUT?”

KNOW NOTHING, not NO NOTHING

When I finally left, they had to hire three people. <- been there, done that, own the T-shirt, sister!!

Typo:

I took the plunge to start me own business.

MY own business

WOW.  Lupe, I’m so sorry about your son.  What a COURAGEOUS way to honor him!!!  Thats the spirit!!

TERRIFIC Cliffhanger ending!!! GREAT TO SEE!! Once you post part II, link the 2 instead and leave out the “see you next week” – then you can say, Click here for my blueprint… etc.

Instead of:

THEY GET IT!  IT IS VERY SATISFYING WORK THAT IS BIGGER THAN OURSELVES AND TOUCHES MANY LIVES.

I want to walk you through my blueprint for success in my next segment.  You can begin to build your work and your vision through new lenses for your district.

THEY GET IT!  IT IS VERY SATISFYING WORK THAT IS BIGGER THAN OURSELVES AND TOUCHES MANY LIVES.

In Part II, I will walk you through my blueprint for success.  You can begin to build your work and your vision through new lenses for your district, and this blueprint will help you get there easily.

 

LUPE, FANTASTIC JOB THROUGHOUT!!!!  AMAZING STATS FOR SUCCESS!!! YOU’RE AWESOME!!!!

Let’s get this out there!!

@kent-littlejohn @amanda-hendrickson @negeen-dargahi

[Lupe Lloyd]

thank you for your great feedback…Lupe

[Author]

Posts