Hi @jan-lyon, it is so wonderful to have you here in the program with us! Below are my comments on your profile.

Nice work on emailing Lindsey to revamp your banner image – it will truly transform your message!

Profile photo looks beautiful! I’d like you to send it to Lindsey as well and have her add a white background for you so your face pops and doesn’t blend in with the background. Then, once you upload, zoom in a pinch more so we can see your smiling face.

EXCELLENT headline!! To the point and powerful. Cheers!

About section:

I like how you’re starting off your sales letter talking about how you help your clients BUT I challenge you to instead immediately share WHAT it is that you do. You also want to limit the capitalized words as sometimes it makes it difficult to easily flow through your message.

When someone clicks to view your profile, the first 2 sentences of your profile About/summary section are available for them until they have to click “see more”. That means, your first 2 sentences are very important.

What about this start:

What I Do In A Few Words Or Less:

I help clients like YOU _________. [share what you do]

Essentially…

When you work with me _________. [here you can add HOW you help your clients and why they should work with you].

//

You provide a lot of excellent content and information that helps your clients feel confident about what you can assist them with. Towards the end, your message is too focused on YOU. There is too much “I” and not enough “you”. Remember that through your sales letter, its going to need to be more about them and less on your credentials, in a sense.

Here is an example of a realtor profile to better explain my points:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/renita-baldwin-realtor%C2%AE-at-quality-choice-solutions-llc-314695197/

Call to action at the end:

Please remove:

“I am always game to grab a coffee or smoothie and collaborate while solving big issues. I am a fan of handwritten cards and personal notes, I like to send flowers randomly for no special reason and I LOVE living in South Florida with ALL of the HOT SUNNY DAYS in the middle of this lush green tropical paradise.”

And instead, I want you to have a POWERFUL CLOSE to your sales letter…

If you’re ready for [ WHAT IS THEIR NEED] then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions! 🙂

Hi @jan-lyon, fantastic job implementing the feedback given to you!

Great job with your photo, your banner image, and your headline! Swap out “&” to “and”.

About section:

I suggest removing this from the beginning of your sales letter because it almost breaks up the flow of your message: “I am known for outside the box thinking with innovation and fresh perspective.”

Good sentence:

The latest properties I sold helped my buyers successfully navigate the volatile and extremely hot South Florida market. I negotiated contracts that provided my clients with the homes of their dreams with excellent value. I help my buyers be in top contention for their dream property and place their offers in top positions for consideration and acceptance.

Instead of talking mainly about yourself and your background, I challenge you to continue to make it about them.

For example:

I raised my family in South Florida over the last 30+ years and celebrate this vibrant, and multi-cultural community.

To:

With my extensive knowledge of South Florida, as a long-time 30+ year resident, I know all parts of the vibrant, beautiful, and multi-cultural community.

(You may need to rework that sentence to sound more like you, but hopefully, that makes more sense with my point).

You can even move this section up:

Having lived in South Florida for over 30 years, I understand the challenges involved with Real Estate in this community. I specialize in meeting each client’s unique needs:

GUIDE and navigate you through the process of purchasing and selling a home within this diverse community.

FAMILIARIZE you with what to expect from this market.

LISTEN, respond and regularly connect with you along the way.

Through expertise and resourcefulness, the outcome is a confident and satisfying experience for YOU.

//

Great call to action!! Here is an example of a Realtor’s profile that may go alongside some of my tips:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/renita-baldwin-realtor%C2%AE-at-quality-choice-solutions-llc-314695197/

Overall, GREAT job!! 🙂

Hi there, @jan-lyon! Yes, the profile I provided was an example format-wise to see how the points are organized and broken up (less about their content).

Below, i’ve reorganized a few of your points. Some of your paragraphs were a bit chunky. You can copy and paste this if you find you like what I have reformatted for you!

//

WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:

I help clients like YOU successfully purchase their dream home.

Essentially…

When you work with me, I go ABOVE and BEYOND with resourcefulness, attention, and integrity.

The latest properties I sold helped my buyers successfully navigate the volatile and extremely hot South Florida market.

I negotiated contracts that provided my clients with the homes of their dreams with EXCELLENT profit value. I helped my buyers be in top contention for their dream property and place their offers in top positions for consideration and acceptance.

When clients like YOU work with me, you can rest assured that your home will not only have QUALIFIED buyers, but you will be in the loop 100% of the way.

As a resident, myself, living South Florida life over the last 30+ years provides knowledge and connections with this vibrant and multi-cultural community. I am a health enthusiast and enjoy being outside in this fabulous SoFlo environment. I spend my free time supporting a local community organic farm and well as giving of my time and talents to a local theater group.  These are wonderful sights and resources I am able to provide my clients and new Florida residents!

//

^ Jan, do you see how even my little edits are a bit more engaging and continuously focus on the reader? That’s what I would love for the rest of your profile to emulate.

Try to make those changes and let me take another look 🙂

EXCELLENT job @jan-lyon! Your message has completely shifted. Very proud of your work! Looks good and you are ready to move forward 🙂