Hi, @alan-daniel! YES, you are absolutely correct and you submitted your request perfectly! Nice work taking action on your profile!

(deep breaths)

Below is my feedback:

Profile Photo: GREAT photo. Can you send it to our graphic designer, Lindsey, and have her add a white background for you? The black background is not inviting.

–> Lindsey@coredm.com

I don’t like your background photo very much. I’d also like you to email Lindsey and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better!!

Headline (words under your name):

I see where you are going with this but I’d really like you to take advantage of this space. How about filling out this template (you can copy and paste into that slot):

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

Upon reading your summary, I noticed there were a lot of “i” in your sales letter. Let’s replace that with “you”. There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos below will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Video: Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

Here are two examples of successful realtor profiles you can get inspiration from. They are using the same format that we teach, which you can use:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

You also need a better and more powerful call to action. Ending your sales letter with bullet points is not recommended.

If you’re ready for _______ …message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me in your revision – NICE start 🙂

Hi @alan-daniel! Just want to say how PROUD I am of you for taking action based on my feedback. I can tell you are going to make great strides!

Hm, Lindsey should have gotten back to you within 24 hours. Please let me know if you don’t hear back by tomorrow. I’m looking forward to seeing the edits!

LOVE your improved headline! Immediately caught my attention and wanted to work with you!

This is formating feedback. I love what you wrote, I’m just breaking it up a bit so it’s easier to read:

With my former experience as a mortgage banker, local knowledge and now successful Realtor you will win and have less stress when buying a home.

What’s better?

YOU get an insider’s view of the mortgage and real estate industry thus giving you leverage when buying a home!

Whom DO I WORK WITH? First-time buyer, Investors, First time home seller, Property Managers, Distressed Home sellers, Mortgage lenders, and appraisers.

—

On this line, the grammar is a bit off:

“When a first-time home buyer reaches out to me you will immediately”

Instead try:

“If you’re a first-time home buyer, know that I will be AVAILABLE for YOU…” etc etc

I would also consider shortening your testimonial. It is a pinch long to read!

Everything else looks FANTASTIC!!!! SO proud of you. You are good to go once those changes are made 🙂

@alan-daniel, wow, the entire vibe of your profile has transformed!! It looks FANTASTIC.

Lindsey did a great job with your background and profile photo!

Looks great, you are good to move forward in the program 🙂